The Best Decision Ever (annnnnd Happy Four Year Naturalversary to me)!

I.  Love.  My.  Hair.
Enough said.

2 years post-BC

I officially started transitioning back in April of 2009.  I entertained the idea of going natural my first year of college in 2006, but I started the process in April 2009.  I do not miss the creamy crack (Yes, Lord).

Going natural was a knowledgeable decision for me.  The natural look was very attractive of course, but when it comes to hair styles, I can be very fickle.  So b
efore the plunge, I researched other women's journeys.  I wanted to know why--if not just for the style--do women "go natural." I came across a variety of reasons, but for most women, they wanted to embrace the hair God blessed them with.  These were women who had gotten relaxers because it made their hair more manageable, and the long, silky locks made them more "attractive."  The women had reached a point in their lives where they wanted to cut the ties to society's definition of beauty and embrace their own.

At that time in my life, that spoke volumes.  I was attracted to rebellion!  But I learned it was still so much more to it than that.  I researched why women had relaxers--going back to that societal definition of beauty, conservatism, assimilation, and merely manageability--which lead to the history of relaxers...I can get very literary here, but let me just sum it up: black hair was unattractive, unkempt, and unacceptable.  In efforts for black women to receive a pinch of acceptance from non-Blacks or even their own black brothers and sisters, hair needed to be straight.  The straighter the hair, the lighter the skin, the better you are, and most likely to be half-way accepted.  Straightening methods became extreme, in addition to skin-bleaching methods.  Relaxers were the best way to earn some sense of humanly respect.

After the history lesson, I researched the effects and dangers of relaxers.  Experts have linked relaxers to alopoecia, migraines and other health ailments.  After realizing there wasn't much difference between an adult relaxer and my "kiddie perms," I said, "uhn, uhn." Done-ditty with that.  I just couldn't find the worth in that.

Creamy Crack

Now, let me tell you, I had beautiful, relaxed hair (check the pic to the left--I think I was transitioning here).  Blowing in the wind, face-framing, fully layered, attractive locks.  I knew that would be no longer, and I was ok with that.  So in Fall of 2008, I dropped relaxers from my lifestyle.  I did; however, continue to flat iron and roller set my hair. I put my hair through some trauma.  In April of 2009, I reverted, and got what I knew would be my last relaxer.

My hair started shedding (I won't say breaking...I will not claim that...but, yea) profusely.  My ends were thinning, but my hair at the roots was thick! I didn't realize I was damaging my hair.  For whatever reason, I thought this was normal.  I didn't know that I had to treat my natural roots and relaxed ends the same way.  Dealing with two textures became very difficult.

The infamous bob

I wound up cutting my hair into a very cute bob.  I.  Miss.  My.  Bob (check the pic to the right lol).  I wasn't fully natural at that point, so I decided as I transitioned to maintain the bob to get me to an all natural state....but here I was, flat ironing my hair every day.  Let someone BREATHE their moist breath on my hair, I was somewhere ready to flat iron.  My hair looked perfect, but I was training my hair to be permanently straight!! Foolish.

MY Big Chop

As the bob got better and prettier, my natural curly hair became straighter.  In May 2011, I cut my fully natural hair off! It was MY big chop.  I specify MY because it wasn't your typical BC.  I left a lot of length in the front, but the back was cut as short as I could go without having to have it shaved.  Thinking back, I wish I would've just gradually cut my straight hair off, but I didn't know much about protective styling outside of weaves, and my hair wasn't in the condition to wear curly.


The short cut was great, especially for my confidence.  I had never had hair that short before, and when worn naturally, I thought I looked like a boy...with a hot hair cut.  That's when I started learning about protective styles.  I had my weaves, twists, Bantu knots, and even a half wig.  I started paying more attention to my hair products, and adjusted as necessary.  I (re) fell in love with my hair.  I literally watched it grow.

Now, my hair is the business.  It's long, meaning big, and it's healthy--which is the most important.

I'm going to name my hair one day

I really have a relationship with my hair.  I talk to my hair.  I treat it the way I want it to treat me.  We are good!  I haven't wanted to change a thing about my hair.  For anyone who knows me, I love to change my hair.  I can have a weave to my butt, braids, an afro, a twist out...I can want to shave my head most days (just to see how I'd look).  But one thing will never change.  It's natural state.  As the title so perfectly states, this has been the best decision ever.

--DJ

If You Haven't Seen "Temptation"...Don't Read This...

Opening night, Asia, Chris, and I went to see "Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor."  I must say it was a good movie, but I wasn't impressed (sorry, TP).

***And again, if you have not seen this movie and have plans to, please don't read this.  I will ruin it for you.***

Anywhoo, let's begin with the good: the message was clear. All of the typical "anti-cheating" cliches went through my mind while watching--"the 80/20 rule," "All things that glitter ain't gold," "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them"--and every saying in between.  TP and the team were true to the message.  Judith (Jurnee) had her 80% with Brice (Lance), but Harley (Robbie) showed her that oh-so-sexy 20%, and Judith was out like a light. 

Let's examine the differences in these men.
Brice was great, but he got too comfortable.  Judith's future endeavors weren't top priority.  Brice didn't remember Judith's birthday (second year in a row). Brice was consumed with work.  Brice failed to make Judith feel protected and wanted.  Brice. Brice. Brice (smh).  At the peak of comfort, in walks super sexy, swaggerific Harley, with his big money (enough to buy Judith's endeavors gift-wrapped--HELLO), spontaneity, attentiveness, and animal-like desire and willingness to "protect."  Miss Judith, Southern-bred and naive, denied...resisted...and ultimately fell victim to Harley's pursuit.  His 20% was gleaming like a mo-fo. 

Now, if you're reading this and you haven't seen the movie (God forbid), you're probably wondering, What the heck did Brice have, exactly?  Brice was dedicated and loving.  Brice provided logic and stability.  Brice was cute and corny with a nice bod.  But those concepts weren't enough.  It's one thing to know, another to show.  Judith knew what Brice had for her, but again, Brice got comfortable and did not show her. 

But anyone can get comfortable, and when Harley conquered Judith, his comfort resulted in abuse.  He beat her, he disrespected her, he controlled her.  Judith was just a conquest for Harley, nothing more.  Now, if you know me, I'm not one to victim-blame; HOWEVER, I peeped the warning signs.  In the midst of conquering Judith, Harley let her know in more ways than one that he "loves" dangerously.  He admitted to being crazy!  He did not respect her morals and Christian beliefs.  Above all, he did not give a hot pile of you-know-what for her marriage.  The neon-red warning signs were beaming, but Judith still fell. 

The ending was appropriate, considering the HIV twist.

Beyond the plot, TP stayed true to his morals in the making of this movie.  The movie had sex, drugs, abuse/violence, and profanity, but TP wasn't excessive.  This movie could have been RAUN.CHY.  For example, when Judith and Harley used cocaine, you didn't see them actually snort.  You would see them bend over it, or wipe their noses after, but never actually snort.  Could've been some seriously wild sex scenes and even violent scenes, but TP didn't go there.  Really, he didn't need to.  One could say he played it too safe, but I appreciated the boundaries.  So, two thumbs up in staying true. 

And the movie had its hilarious moments!  You can always count on TP for the funny.

On to the Cons!
The beginning was kind of slow to me.  I feel like too much time was spent on showing the evolution Judith and Brice's relationship.  From the evolution of the relationship (which started at age six btw) to marriage then its stagnant state...It was just too long for me.  Maybe I was just ready for the juice...Don't get me wrong, it was necessary, but lengthy.

Kim K's acting.  I love this woman, but she was just as emotionless as a forehead with fresh botox injections.  I felt like she memorized the lines, but didn't rehearse or attempt to engage the audience through her character.  She was a perfect Ava--an exotic, smart-mouth fashionista--but a little more emotion or personality to the lines would've made me love Ava more.

The movie had some predictable parts.  For example, as soon as Melinda (Brandy) was introduced, I knew she had some relationship with Harley. When she mentioned an abusive ex, I was like, "Yep, Harley's ex."  When Melinda revealed that she had HIV, though?? Definitely surprising. 

I also wish more could've been put into the de-escalation.  Like, I wanted to see a genuine downfall for Harley.  Like, couldn't he have gotten shot? Arrested? Drug overdose? Media humiliation???? I think TP dropped the ball on Harley's character.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie, more so for the message.  Not a typical happy ending, but that depends on the viewer.  There are so many ways this movie could've ended, but I found it to be realistic.  Brice remarried (I don't know many men who would've stayed), Judith came back down to earth, etc.  Nothing too dramatic, just realistic.

But there's my take on it.  I love Tyler Perry, so I look forward to future work.

--DJ

***Grand Opening Celebration for Apricot Lane Starts March 21!!!***

Calling all my Fashionistas!  Starting tomorrow, Apricot Lane Boutique in Huntersville, NC will kickoff its Grand Opening by offering very special deals to shoppers!  Until Sunday, every shopper can take advantage of 20% off store-wide, a free 3Strands bracelet and the chance to win a $500 shopping spree.  Shoppers can also receive a goody bag that includes local coupons.

As mentioned in my last post, the boutique will hold the "Say Hello to Spring" fashion show Saturday, March 23.  Starting at 2 p.m., shoppers can enjoy the complimentary nail polish changes from a local spa and photo-fun in the photo booth (be Instagram ready)!  Also, true Fashionistas can participate in the fashion show, which starts at 6 p.m.  Following the fashion show, join other shoppers for complimentary ApricoTinis at the store.

For those unfamiliar with the location, Birkdale Village in located at Birkdale Commons Parkway in Huntersville, NC.  The boutique is situated between Dressler's Restaurant and Sunglass Hut on the corner of Lindholm Drive and Birkdale Commons Parkway.  Don't forget, the fashion show will be in the fountain area.

Like I said before, Apricot Lane Boutique has a variety of affordable, stylish clothing and accessories.  With celebrity inspired, fashion forward pieces for the everyday woman, you cannot go wrong shopping here.  As a lover of statement pieces, this store is my go-to.  So, on Friday, please believe I will be there to take advantage of the kickoff.  I hope you all come out at some point this weekend and enjoy all Apricot Lane Boutique has to offer.

--DJ

***Apricot Lane in Charlotte***...Why Am I Just Now Finding This???

Last Wednesday, I visited the revamped Apricot Lane located in Huntersville's Birkdale Village.  Under new ownership, the boutique reopened on March 1.  Living in the southern area of Charlotte, it was a lengthy drive in comparison to my normal shopping venues; however, it was beyond worth it.  

First off, the Birkdale Village is absolutely beautiful!  It's what I would consider "cute-sy"... with the white buildings, stores and restaurants all set up like a small, yet spacious town...it has a very comfortable vibe.  Although I don't live close, I'd definitely frequent that area.

I had just left Kirkland's and felt the urge to explore the Village more.  I just knew that I would find a gem there!  Prior to my visit to the Village, I had never heard of Apricot Lane, but the display window with the stylishly dressed mannequins was hard to ignore.  The boutique has an array of reasonably priced, eclectic accessories and trendy women's clothing.  While comfortable and welcoming, I felt like an exclusive shopper!  The store carries very unique, yet fashion-forward merchandise, all of which is strategically organized to lure the shopper into every corner of the store.  Striving to not look like masses, I can go into this store and leave with quality statement pieces.  I purchased a great pair of peacock earrings and a peacock wallet (I love peacock by the way, in case you couldn't tell).


The boutique has great things going on now that I suggest you check out.  Shoppers can enter to win a $500 shopping spree (yes...yes...yes)!  Also, anyone who visits the store can receive a free 3Strands  bracelet in support of AIM's (Agape International Mission) work with survivors of human trafficking.  The 3Strands bracelet, valued at $18, includes a seed from the Sandlewood tree, native to Cambodia, which represents the life of a Cambodian child rescued from sex trafficking.  50% of the profits from the jewelry goes to rescue and restoration of victims.  I have experience working with survivors of sexual assault, so THIS moved me.  The Apricot Lane Triangle NC store owners purchased the 3Strands bracelets to support the cause, and for each bracelet given, the store owners will donate an extra $5 to AIM.  So, if not for any other reason, visit the store and get a bracelet in support of the cause--but I can guarantee that you won't leave without finding something you love!

On March 23, in efforts to kick off the new beginning, it will hold the "Say Hello to Spring" fashion show at 6 p.m. at the runway setup in the fountain area.  Unfortunately, the fashion show falls on a workday for me, so I won't be there, but I'm sure I'll hear great things about it.

The franchisee, Alpha Astra, LLC, has plans to open two additional Charlotte locations, so I'm personally looking forward to that.  Currently, Alpha Astra has this opened this location for the Charlotte area as well as one in Raleigh and Cary, NC. Check out Apricot Lane Triangle NC to learn more about the stores, and show some love and support to Apricot Lane Charlotte on Facebook!







Here are my purchases...and my 3Strands bracelet (I wear it everywhere).

***Apricot Lane gets an A+ from me.

--DJ

The Conversation--by: Hill Harper

I didn't plan to discuss romantic relationships on my blog.  Not that I dislike the subject.  I absolutely love everything about love, but my thoughts on relationships can really overwhelm someone.  Even myself.  Love is easy.  Relationship...now that's a different story.  So, the conversation about the subject doesn't always come too easy for me.

But I recently read Hill Harper's, The Conversation: How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships (2009).  His book made me realize the importance of discussing relationships, especially within the Black community.  Hill wasn't claiming to be an expert on relationships, but he realized that relationships and marriages of today do not have the same substance and longevity of those of older generations (we knew that already, right?).  Following the discovery, he started researching what has caused our relationships issues--deep-rooted distrust, erroneous assumptions and stereotypes, and fear. Unlike most books (which I WILL NOT NAME), Hill wasn't just instructing the woman on her role in understanding, loving (and tolerating) the male species.  He was focused on getting men and women to open up to each other in order to rebuild the state of the Black relationship.  I appreciated the fact that he placed the responsibility of the relationship and its issues on both men and women.  Following interviews, observations, various discussions and such, he concluded that the best way to grow together, men and women must have a conversation with each other in order to better understand and resolve our issues.  A simple conclusion one may say, but it's difficult especially when men and women allow the issues to control (or hinder) the conversation.  We have to trust each other enough to be honest and vulnerable.

Hill explored the anticipation of meeting someone, determining what role the person would play in your life, dating, and the many hurdles you'd face depending on the baggage the other person brings into the relationship.  Hill personalized the book by sharing his fears, mistakes, and budding relationship.  In my opinion, he touched on everything a relationship could face! But don't take my word for it...I think if you haven't heard about the book or read it, it's worth a shot regardless of what stage you're in within your relationship (or lack thereof).

Let me stop here...whew*

--DJ

My "Sip & Shop" Adventure!

On February 21, 2013, I went to the "Sip & Shop" Trunk Show at the Kanvas Lounge on East 6th Street in Charlotte.  It's my first fashion event here, and I am so glad I went.  The venue was perfect, from the lighting to the music.  I didn't partake in any beverages there, but I don't doubt they were great!...everyone but me had a drink in their hand, so I'm confident in that conclusion.  As usual, I arrived late, but I had plenty of time to mingle with the entrepreneurs who showcased their pieces (and goodies)!  The names of their companies are linked to their webpages, so please take a look.

All Things Fabulous

Chanel, Founder/Executive Director, invited me to the "Sip & Shop"trunk show. Thank you, honey! Chanel established All Things Fabulous in 2012. Chanel sells jewelry from a variety of unique jewelry designers. Her selections feature jewelry that she, herself, absolutely loves. She is inspired by her own style, and she will only sell what appeals to her. Eccentric, quality pieces at an affordable price...I think "discerning fashionistas" can appreciate that!
 

 

 Ethan&Zoey

 

Deidra, Image Consultant, although adorned in tattoos, has a distinct classy and sophisticated style! She, along with Jania, who has a bold, edgy style, established Ethan&Zoey in 2009. This company takes the shopping experience to a WHOLE new level. The company approaches beauty and style from the inside-out by providing services such as image consulting, wardrobe styling, personal shopping, and everything in between. Ethan&Zoey is an eclectic company where "sophistication meets the edge"--and in my opinion, they have beautifully fused the two. Both Jania and Deidra bring different perspectives to the company resulting in magic!
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Motives--G.L.A.M. Status

I met both Dre and Andreia, representatives of Motives Cosmetics. Motives by Loren Ridinger was established in 2002, providing all users the opportunity to achieve trendy, fashion-forward looks at affordable prices. Motives for La La is an extension of this award-winning brand, catering to the DEEPER skin tones. After consulting with Andreia numerous times since the trunk show, I can attest to the quality of these products. These products are mineral-based and long-lasting! As a newbie to make-up, this line will be my go-to.

 

 

 

The Cake Bar
 

"The Cake Bar"...such a fitting name. Shani, Cake-A-Nista/Founder, customizes cakes, candies, and cupcakes to fit your style. At the trunk show, she featured her perfectly crafted Chanel, Tory Burch, and Louis Vuitton designer-inspired cupcakes. Oh, and for the grown and sexy...Shani specializes in Alcohol-Infused (and virgin for the not so grown) goodies!!! Shani intended for the company to be a joint-company with her boyfriend; however, "that didn't work out." So, Miss Shani kept it moving and established this baby on her own 1 year ago! *2 snaps behbeh!

Vintage Copy Cat

Tanisha, Founder/CEO, established Vintage Copy Cat in 2010.  Tanisha recognized her talent for embellishing clothing and accessories and ran with it!  The birth of her company was the ultimate answer for those in search of custom apparel.  Tanisha's favorite items to embellish: Bustiers!  I copped myself an awesome sweatshirt.  Pics coming soon!

--DJ

 

 

 

 

My Re-Introduction to my Passion

For those who know me, I've had this undying passion for fashion.  Sounds so cliche, but what can I say, It's in my blood.  I can't help myself.  It's not that I just have an eye for style and great looks, but I love everything about fashion.  From the construction of clothing, to the ideas and the inspiration of styles, to the business...it's a science!!! Some things come natural, other things are learned, but all of it, I love.

I've felt as though I've been out of touch.  Not so much as with fashion, but with actually pursuing it in some type of way.  In college, I did a lot.  A few friends and I started a POSE (People of Style and Education), which later became officially recognized by the university.  I modeled in every fashion show I could, and I also organized a fashion show for my sorority.  One would think I would've progressed in that area following graduation, but for whatever reason, I didn't.  "Real life hit" and didn't have a place for my pursuit of fashion. I started to think that pursuing fashion was some type of unattainable dream...one of those things that you could only want, but I'm past all of that.  I don't want it to just be something I observe or *wish* about, I want to live it (whooo, this is so cliche, but it's honest!).

So, this year, I want to take fashion and style more seriously.  I have some serious plans to put into action so that this will all become more than a notion.

--DJ